i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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