I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
