I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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