WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
