Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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