So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
