So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
