Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
