A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Are we still banned from the library?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize