IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
