Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm getting married
To pizza
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize