smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
