Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
