so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
