We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
