he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
