we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your cock deserves a montage
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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