Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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