Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
