I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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