Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was confusing and full of hummus
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
