Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
