omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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