Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
