Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
