All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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