She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
