i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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