I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
how drunk are you?
Several
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
