morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
