The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
