never play flip cup with pint glasses
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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