I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How external is "for external use only"?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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