I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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