My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
