Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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