dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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