Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
