I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
