Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
420 ftw
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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