loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
operation harelip BJ is a go
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
