Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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