why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
