Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize