he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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