"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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