last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
