I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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