The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize