i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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