Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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