I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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