No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
