if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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