I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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