I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
