Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
