I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
