SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
