mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
