Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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