Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
