it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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