I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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