dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
