I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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