I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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