My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
