I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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