The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
