I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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