I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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