My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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