Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
