Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
smell my finger.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
