Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
