Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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