I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
